Date: 2018-05-11 19:54
Well tonight I stepped up and said no! Not the first time but it will be the last time. I 8767 m feeling stronger with the entire I’ve read on this site. We have been together for 9 months and the last two months have been hell to say the least. I know he loves me but that is the drunk saying he loves me. At first it was fun we would go out like all new couples and I’d hear from him “I don’t usually drink like this”. The first 9 months I believed his lies only because that was prior to living together. Now after living together and having financial problems along with my home almost going into foreclosure it has been testing. What I learned was not to count on him. Any crises of any sorts he would drink from am to pm and expect me to as well. He would drink during the day until he was going to pass out then go to sleep. Wake up and start drinking again, and now he does not want to take a shower. So the alcohol coming out his skin and mouth is smelling up my room, of course he cannot smell it. I will have a glass of wine but never the way he drinks, I had health issues and I cannot drink this way plus I do not want to. Seeing him down an 68 packs of beer and look for more has just made me ill, and this has been day in and day out for 9 month. One time he had close to 95 beers in one night, I almost called the hospital to see what to do for him, instead he passed out and I made sure he was breathing all night! He has for the past week worked on telling me he will only do a 6 pack for the entire day but that has been a 6 pack during the day and a 67 pack at night! So where is the cutting back? He still shakes and has a racing heart. I’ve tried to get him help but he wants to do it on his own. Tonight he has no money left from his unemployment he wants to borrow money to pay me back tomorrow. I said no, just like I told him last week when you run out of money I will not pay for beer or cigarettes ever again. He needs to budget his bad habit this habit is costing at least $ a month just for him! My mortgage is just around that. So the money alone is ticking me off. I did offer to help him take the beer cans and I mean tons of beer cans back to the store for the nickel each so he can fund his habit, we get there and he throws a fit not wanting to get out of the car because it’s cold and he’ll do it tomorrow to please give him $. I said no way and he got out and walked home while he is calling all his friends about what a bad person I am. I just don’t care anymore, well I do and it hurts big time but me crying for the next 9 months or so is nothing compared to marriage with a *censored* in the next year.
I feel for anyone in a marriage with an alcoholic and I’m praying that I can stay strong with my disappointment and fear of living a life I do not want. I have to get him out of my life this next week. I’ve noticed one common trait in all alcoholics is they are the best people when they do not drink on the face of the planet! It’s really sad.
Thank you for taking the time to read my even rant!